Hi, foo. It's me, King Francis, y'all. My homies back in are all gangsta and stuff, so I decided to be like them, or whatevuh. Wait, my servant's calling me. Wait one minute.




Sir, I have news! Disturbing information, Mr. King man!


Yeah, whatever.


The Americans Declared war on the Canadians! They sent out 2000 men into battle! Just because the First Nations wanted to keep their land!!! Their LAND!!!!!!!


Yeah. I know. I found out, like, a week ago.


But... who told you?


I don't know! Some random guy I met in Canada! 


When have you been to Canada?!?


Well, ever since I've been dead, I can go wherever I want, right? I haven't really figured it out yet. I guess teleportation, or something.


You're DEAD!?!?!?!?


Dude, It's 1812. I died in 1547. That was like, 265 years ago. How can you still think I'm alive? Wait...how are YOU still alive?!?


I...don't know...


Whatever. Just, go away. We've taken up, like, half of this webpage with this conversation. Now, you go. Begone. You still have to follow orders from me, even though I've been dead 265 years. Shoo.


Okay, okay, jeez...


Okay. Well now that HE'S gone, I can finally talk to my many, loving fans. Now, what was it that I wanted to say again.......

Hi. It is I. King Francis. The deceased. Like, dead, in case you were wondering. Not anything else, because I knew this guy that thought that 'deceased' meant, like, something random. Anyway, remember last time how I told you about this guy who invaded Canada with, like, 2000 men? Well now, he's sending out a proclamation to stop people from fighting back! I mean, it's not like anybody was really going to fight back against all those guys, but... still! He even made the proclamation sound like he was trying to HELP the Canadians! Plus, he's making it sound like the First Nations are the bad guys, just for wanting to keep their land!!!  

Hi. It is I. Dead King Francis. Well, just as I expected, America declared war on Britain. I bet it was those #@%$ War Hawks' fault. The last thing we needed around here is another war! Anyway, I guess their president, James Madison, got influenced by them, or something. And just recently, on July 12th, 1812, This guy from the USA invaded Canada with 2000 men, all from the Northwest Navy. Well, jeez, I hope no one gets hurt...

Hi. It is I. King Francis. Dead. Again. So, again with the British. Now they're still as hostile as ever with the Americans, and trying to get the First Nations people to keep all of their territory, so America won't expand too much. At least this is one of their best ideas yet, because it's helping out someone other then them. The First Nations, I mean. Wow, these british guys are bad news. I can sense a war coming on.

Hi. It is I. King Francis, still dead, and having a great time observing the British and Americans. More hostile than ever. Now, since Britain is attacking France, they are preventing them from recieving imports and therefore, making the Americans lose a major market. Of course the Americans know that it's actually Britrain's fault. I mean, no one would just tell someone to stop selling them goods. I mean, come ON! Can't they just...be friends? Or something? Anyway, I think it was supposed to bring down Nepoleon, but I don't think it's working. I can't wait to see what dumb battle plan the British come up with next.

Hi. It is I. Dead King Francis. Well, now that the Treaty of Paris has been signed, the American Revolution is over. But still, I think Britain and the USA are a little bit hostile to each other. Mostly, it's Britain's fault, from what I've seen recently. For example, the British are trying really hard to prevent people from deserting them, so the British are even stopping American ships, and checking them for British deserters, which I'm guessing is really ticking the Americans off. Plus, the British are forcing some of the American sailors into the British navy! I mean, seriously? How irrational can you get?